10-Step Wu-Tang Zombie Survival Guide
From the slums of Shaolin you must rise and survive. The fate of humanity and the future of the Wu-Tang Clan is yours to protect.
The following advice is Wu wisdom passed down by founding sages of the clan. From every chamber you must channel their lyrics and survive the apocalypse.
Now, go! You don’t have much time.
1. “Better watch your back and duck”
First and foremost, figure out your surroundings and cover your weakest spots. It’s only a matter of time until the zombies will detect you, so figure out your plan and watch your back!
So if you’re filthy stacked up/
Better watch your back and duck/
Cause these fiends, they got it cracked up
(“Can It All Be So Simple”)
2. “And more deadly than the stroke of an axe”
Speaking of axes, they are one of the best zombie-fighting tools. Otherwise, improvise by breaking up wood or snagging anything that’s metal.
Creeping up on site, now it’s Fright Night
My Wu-Tang slang is mad dangerous
And more deadly than the stroke of an axe
(“Bring Tha Ruckas”)
3. “Tension in the street, we stressed, still wanna eat”
Food and water are now the most important things. Find as much of it as you can and stockpile it. Your priority should be non-perishable food that has as much protein as possible. Find jugs to carry the water, in case you need to make a quick departure.
Tension in the street, we stressed, still wanna eat/
I walk through the valley of death, the hotstepper/
Holdin red pepper, everybody on reach
4. “Never let go of your mind”
Keep your cool and your wits about you—the madness has just begun. If you really want to survive, then you need to make sure your mind is on point. Don’t start panicking. If you can keep calm and think of ways out of this you may just make it.
Never let go of your mind/
It’s a terrible thing to waste/
To lose, but it’s very hard to find
(“Never Let Go”)
5. “Callin all G’s from each block”
When Internet and phones are down, make contact with others by checking for radio signals in an abandoned house or Best Buy. Or you can try more primitive means, like smoke signals or written messages on walls.
Keep watch, lights out when the beat drop/
Keeping the streets locked/
I’m calling all G’s from each block, from each block
6. “You gotta find a way to keep it burnin’”
Once you get to a safe location, set up camp and get a fire burning. There’s no telling how cold the nights will get, and whatever food you may have hunted should be cooked well to prevent transmission of disease (how do you think the zombies got that way).
You gotta put, y’know you gotta keep puttin wood on it as they say/
Right? Keep it burnin or whatever/
You gotta find a way to keep it burnin/
7. “Sneak through the wood works”
Eventually you will have to move; sneaking around is key. Carry your shoes and walk on your socks because no noise is good noise. Go to higher ground then map your escape. Look for water as zombies can’t swim. (Zombies also can’t drown, though, so keep that in mind.)
Right hook, death jooks, great with my footwork/
Bubble through, got the W on my hood shirt/
Sneak through the wood works like poisonous high fumes/
I’m that superhero with the brand new costume
(“Sound The Horns”)
8. “Prepare for the impact when we contact”
You may have to fight zombies, but another threat will actually be human contact. Everything has hit the fan and if you’re walking around with water and food people will be assessing you as a potential target. Knowing this from the beginning will help you prepare.
Made ’em throw they hands up but then lay flat/
Rat pack eat up, the average alley cat/
Prepare for the impact when we contact
(“Careful, Click, Click”)
9. “As my brothers and I reign rebellious”
…While most shouldn’t be trusted, the more people you have the more you can accomplish. Whether it’s finding food or killing zombies, your numbers are important.
As my brothers and I reign rebellious, changing/
The courses of time, devils no longer exist/
As God Cipher Divine, all minds one, no question
10. “Without the sun, moon, and stars”
An overlooked survival tip is using the sun, moon and stars to help guide you. Use the sun to gauge your direction, the moon can be used as a light at night when bright enough, and the stars can help you navigate. Use these as much as possible every day/night and keep track of how many days are passing.
The universe is not completed/
Without the sun, moon, and stars/
Won’t you be for real?