Watch The Whitehouse: The (Entirely Fictional) Diaries of President West

This is a work of fiction. Kanye West didn’t actually give Green Label his personal diary from the year 2021 and allow us to publish it. This is an imagining of Kanye’s first presidentiary, not an actual, real life, first person document. That said, Scottie Pippen will be our Secretary of Defense in 2021.

January 20th, 2021

Dear diary,

Im the President. Instead of swearing on the holy book, I took the oath with my right hand on a copy of The Blueprint. I couldn’t understand what Chief Justice Roberts was saying, so I just gave up and mumbled something like “I, Yeezy, do silently swear that I will fruitfully persecute the office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my ability, observe, deflect, and offend the Constipation of the United States.” I hope Im actually the President.

After I took the oath I had CyHi read some of his lyrics about black history. It was really illuminating.

During the inoguration I kept looking over at Kim, but she was talking with Khloe and James and I wasnt going to interrupt her. North looked tired, so I had her Twitter intern give her some juice. Vice President DVD of Akira just sat there, not showing any emotion. The press keeps calling him an “inanimate object,” and saying “you know he’s just a DVD, right?” but I think hes stoic.

My first act as president was to have the Red Room renamed The Red October Room. My second act as president was to have the Secret Service put a trampoline next to the basketball hoop and let me dunk on them. It was a good day.

January 22, 2021

Dear diary,

Someone from the Washington Post asked me what I want to accomplish in office, and I showed her some photos of my spring/summer collection. She said it looked like things broke Jedis from Tatooine wear, and then also said it wasn’t “Ralph quality.” I was angry, so I told her that her top muted her eye color and hung unflatteringly. She thanked me.

A few of my cabinet appointments got approved today! My Secretary of Defense is gonna be Scottie Pippen bcuz remember how good he used to be on defense? I was told Dennis Rodman probably wouldn’t get approved.

I asked Vice President DVD of Akira if I could make Beanie Sigel the Secretary of State Property, and he said that even though it’s not a real job, and a risky appointment, I should go ahead and do it. Beanie’s gonna be really excited when I tell him.

January 27, 2021

Dear diary,

Vice President DVD of Akira said that having my Secretary of State Property sleep on a couch in the Oval Office is “highly unusual.” But me and Beans are having fun. The first night we ate popcorn and watched State Property, then State Property 2, then Paper Soldiers! Kim didn’t look like she was having fun but I didn’t care. She went to sleep early but me and Beans staid up late talking about bakc in the days at Rocafella. There was the time Oschino and Sparks challenged Young Gunz to a cheese steak eating contest. Neef Buck threw up all over the sidewalk and everyone laughed at him. There was also the time Freeway disappeared for a while and we found he was in the Middle East. He kept saying that it was religious thing but now that I think about it he might be Taliban. Im gonna ask the FBI to look into it.

January 28, 2021

Dear diary,

Freeway is not in Al Kayda. Vice President DVD of Akira explained the Hodge to me, about how Freeway went to Soddy Arabia as part of his religious duties, not to become a terrorist. Vice President DVD of Akira also tried explaining some Middle East stuff but I got bored.

Rick Rubin is the Secretary of the Interior! I liked how he decorated his place in Laurel Canyon, so during my campain I asked him if he’d wanna do that for the government. He meditated on it for a few months, and when his beard reached the floor he made his decision. Im really excited to see what he does with South Dakota!

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