Here’s Your “Late Registration” Course Guide, Semester 1
Congratulations on your acceptance to KWU, future Dropout Bears. You are now one of the few number-one living, breathing rock stars in the country. We have more ivy per square inch than five out of the top ten US schools, and are too busy writing history to read it.
We know you’re late to registration, but we’re gonna let you finish. Here’s your course guide to choose your majors and minors–just kidding. We only offer majors.
For Semester 2 courses, as well as on-campus job opportunities at the Taco Bell, see our course counsellors at Pigeons and Planes tomorrow.
HIS: Not-So-Greek Mythology
Students seeking a formal course in Greek mythology need not apply. Here, students will learn the power of the classical art flex and how to disassociate cool, dramatic Greek sculptures and paintings from their ancient contexts, repositioning them in gold-link gaudiness much like luxury fashion house Versace does Medusa. By course-end, students will understand how Socrates’ famous “I know nothing” applies in mythicizing the more chocolatey Socrates as a master curator of other people’s dopeness.
HIS: Late to the Orchestra
Designed around Kanye’s sophomore Late Registration album–and Late Orchestration live album–this course will examine the rise of string arrangements in hip-hop music since the project’s release in 2005. Students will learn about the album’s Portishead influences but, more specifically, will trace the aesthetic of live instruments in peer projects such as Jay Z’s Blueprint 3 and Kendrick Lamar’s orchestral, soul-jazz, To Pimp a Butterfly. Included is a mid-term paper comparing the production and contextual similarities between Kendrick’s “Alright” and Kanye’s “We Major.”
HIS: Re-Finding Your Dinosaur
This history course has absolutely nothing to do with paleontology. Instead, it will be an inward study of the history of self, using the Kanye-referenced life lesson from the movie Step Brothers: Don’t lose your dinosaur. Through various self-help practices and literature, students will work toward resurfacing the childlike wonder that sparks creation, the gorgeous passion that exists before feeling like they done stole your dreams, and you don’t know who did it.
ECON: Literally Paying Homage
While our “Not-so-Greek Mythology” course highlights Kanye as a master curator of sorts, the label isn’t without expensive receipts. Here, students will look at “the drama, people suing me!”–the Louis Vuitton Don’s perpetual music licensing disputes. Notable case citings will range from West’s pre-stardom “Girls Girls Girls” remix to the more recent “Bound 2” lawsuit. Just how many dollars has Kanye shelled out in legal wars? What are the holes in music licensing law? Both questions will be answered by course-end.
LAN: Who Taught You?
This language course is all about the subtleties of modern shade, even when it comes to throwing it at one’s own “Big Brother” for his song with Coldplay. Students will learn how to give peers and future colleagues just enough praise without eclipsing their own ten-thousand hours of work put in. There will always come the younger, Drake-like equivalent in any career path, and by course-end, students should be well-equipped with their own proverbial “Yeezy Taught You Well” ammunition to level the playing field.
PHIL: Philosophy of Law of The Walking Contradiction
In this course, students will use critical theory by contemporary scholars such as Charlamagne the God in revisiting contradictory themes throughout Kanye West’s career. Required texts and media presentations will mostly be taken from the early Yeezus epoch, and over four weeks, students will explore how “black Timbs all on your couch again” Kanye and sus-voice-on-Kris-Jenner’s-couch Kanye are necessary attributes of one God.
PHIL: The Art of Failure
If there is one thing our curriculum aims to highlight, it’s that our patriarch Mr. West is not perfect. However, his career, as outlined in this class, is full of moments where he failed only to then elevate his swag to levels of a hundred-thousand-trillion and beyond. Whether debasing himself on an MTV stage (nearly twice) or being the laughing stock of the women’s fashion world, Kanye fails better than most, and by completing the required coursework, students will learn his secrets.
PHIL: Oneirology 500
Wake up, Mr. West! Now, never in your wildest dreams did you see yourself studying sleep landscapes. But one of the most advanced courses at KWU, Oneirology 500, is also arguably the most fascinating. Students study all aspects of dreams, ranging from preparation for maximum dream thrills, to the hard choices one may face in a dream. In the lab’s test facilities, you can simulate these scenarios. Before it happens, students close their eyes and imagine the situation they’d like to dream about. During the dreams, students face a variety of challenges. The most popular challenge involves the student getting a large sum of money, and then choosing between buying their way to heaven, or spending the money on a necklace. So far no student at KWU has ever chosen to buy their way to heaven.